Parenting 101- Teenagers - The Curfew

Over the years I have given solicited and unsolicited advise on parenting teens to friends, family, co-workers etc. Some think this advise is a little radical, very sixties hippie like, but for my family it has worked (at least with our first born, our youngest is only 12). I grew up in a very liberal household with parents I shared everything with and I wanted to have that same experience with my own children.

Some rules before I begin:

1. This advise is not very everyone - it depends on your comfort zone.
2. Honesty is the best policy.
3. Don't try too hard, it shows.
4. Always keep an open mind.
5. Share your mistakes in life.
6. Connect on all levels.
7. Always remember what it was like to be young.
8. Trust Trust Trust

This will be a series of articles so keep coming back for more. Today's installment:

CURFEWS

Many parents set curfews for their teenagers thinking that this is a great way to control their child's late night activities, whether it is on the weekend or during the school week. However, this sometimes has the exact opposite effect. Just like you can't always control when you get home from work, teenagers can't always control when they get home from a party or school event. Being late for a curfew creates stress for both the child and the parent and it can also be a major source of conflict.

Solution, Ban the Curfew

I know this is a radical concept but the advantages are amazing. It doesn't mean to say that your teenager can come home whenever he or she wants, it just means that their is flexibility and communication involved. Each event, school or party that your teenager attends will be treated differently. What this does is open the lines of communication. You will always know where your child is as their home time is negotiated depending on the circumstances of the event. If there was a curfew, say midnight on a weekend, you may never learn where they were, at least beforehand, because in their mind they can go anywhere as long as they are home by midnight. If each event is treated differently, you learn where they are and how they are getting home from the get go as that is part of the negotiation process.

Flexibility is key here. For example: your son or daughter is attending an after party for a school event such as a band concert or a sport victory. The actual concert or sporting event doesn't end till 11 pm so chances of your child making a midnight curfew are slim. This is when the no curfew policy works great. You can negotiate say a 1 am time home, you are happy because you know where they are and your child is happy because he or she can stay out till one and have at least 2 hours to enjoy the after/victory party. You will be the cool parent in no time!

The other important factor in the no curfew policy is to always ensure that your child has a safe way home or somewhere to stay if that is not possible. Open lines of communication are key here. You don't want your child to go home with a "drunk driver" just to make it home at the time you set together. Cell phones and cab companies make this an easy fix, but remember, be flexible. Trust your teenager, especially if he or she has given you no reason not to trust them in the past.

The no curfew policy benefits both the parents and the teenagers making this a win win solution. It prevents conflict, stress and opens the lines of communication so you will always know where your child is.

Please feel free to post your comments and look for future "parenting your teen" articles.